I realized tonight that I’ve never revealed this before…but just to let you know…I do listen to all the comments that are heard from different people. Since the beginning.
I was reading some past entries and they really hit me how lucky I am to have the support and encouragement of so many ppl that have never met me but somehow feel connected through my work or writing (along with some friends who have been reading my entries/ writings since high school…haha. are you guys still there? ) I was also reminded of the people, relationships, incidences that are related to my posts, that recalls some deep sensations within.
So I just wanted to let you know, to those who are reading, your warm words go a long way. More than you can ever know. Sometimes I don’t think I deserve such kindness.
The reason is because, I am a fraud. In every post, every sentimental facebook and instagram caption, people saying how “deep” I am, how amazing it is that I’m so thoughtful and emotional. And sometimes, it makes me feel like a fraud.
The truth is that I’ve hurt people. The people who’ve treated me the best, I’ve treated the worst. It’s sarcastic that we love the people who hurt us, hurt the people who love us. I’ve misunderstood and misplaced my emotions. I’ve been forgetful and let a lot of people down. I’ve made people disappoint. I neglect my family sometimes. I’m impatient and not mature enough. And growing up along the way makes me realised how ignorant I can be to what truly is precious to me, I started to understand the feelings of worries in hopes of being cared, concerns being answered, confusions being resolved.
I do what I do simply to share my journey. But the true praises should go to the subjects. Those who’ve been patient, and kind, and listened, and taught. Those who’ve forgiven me and still believe in me. Those who might not even read this. Those who might not remember me anymore. I do what I do, as a release. I’m just a lucky girl with some ppl who are willing to listen and care. Thanks for that at the very least. I know I will to learn to praise them, uplift them, look up to them more often.
So here it is.
Thank you to all the people who supported, taught, listened, cared, and loved me back then. I appreciate no matter what you said or did to affect me, to build the personality I have today. You all have made me feel like the most joyful and luckiest person alive. You guys are the reasons which leads me to be the person I am. You made me stronger mentally n physically. Thank you to my friends who contained my silliness, dumbness, and selflessly willing to reach out a hand to me whenever I am in need, I need you guys to stay around me =p. Thank you for my teachers who taught me knowledges and valuable lessons in life, you’ve always forgiven and pointed out my faults, but still believed in me. Thank you my students granting me chances to have glances at my “past-self”, and allowing me to figure out ways to learn how to teach. Thank you people who have left me, teaching me how important it is to treasure the ones who are still around me. Thank you Winnie for always being my inspiration to stay strong and not be selfish to entertain others with broken gags. Thank you Jinna for inspiring me with your rational thoughts and guided me thru when I was in confusions. Thank you Wing for not changing yourself through out the years ( in a good way), looking after me and accompanying me along the way we grow up. Thank you JingJing for inspiring me with your strength and perseverance… by the amount of how much you can eat. haha. Thank you Maria for always showing your kindness and rewiring to think of me. Thank you Kaka for sharing the craziest but most precious memories with me when we were in high school. Thank you Jlin for going to the cinemas with me, joking around racist lyrics and giving me the best laughters when I’m around you. Thank you Kessy for reminding me how strong and determined a person can be in order to attain something he/she wants, and being able to humbly listen to my comments and thoughts. Thank you Lilian A LOT for helping me with my English back then, without you I won’t be able to type this amount of bullshits today. Thank you Ling Suk for giving me tips, advises when I was clueless and bringing me to your lessons. Thank you K, Peony, Kristy, Sammi, and Lung Jai for being my besties in uni when I was lost and scared. Thank you Anthony for …nothing! Thank you Jay to let me reflect on my attitudes and decisions in my possible career in the future, infact i’ve secretly peeked at your pro p earlier…dw i still think you’re pretty normal.. as a friend…heh.(hope i dont get blocked after this). Thank you Joe for always being there to listen, giving your best supports to remind the happiness I’ve got, motivates me to be healthy…. it fuels me hahaha. Thank you Ash, one line or two can’t conclude it all. Thank you my aunt and uncle for showing me the possibilities in life and introducing me to the world outside. Your selflessness inspires me. Thank you my parents for everything, to love me unconditionally in all the years back then, even before I was born, I am nothing without you. More…and more….
<embrace> Thank you.
<embrace tighter> thank you.