i’ve been stumbling on this entry for awhile, wondering if i shd post it asap.. but meanwhile i doubt if its too vague in meaning, but time has gone too much now, heh.
so there u go, free styling, random thoughts of mine in the past.
A few years ago, I enjoyed believing that multiple dimensions existed. The reason for this is because, I wanted to believe that there was another version of “me” somewhere out there, living a life according to all the decisions and risks I had not taken, the courage or opportunities to have. It was my cop-out. It was a life which I am begging for. People I wanted to speak up to. Emotions I wanted to explore. Desires I yearned to give in to. But I didn’t. And so, I found comfort that while I was not living it in my reality, somewhere else, I was. (achieved in 2015)
- I opened my revising notes and thought.. what if I were living in a world where there were no exams, no schools and no works waiting to be finished
- I stared at the clock at 7am in the morning and thought.. what if in another world, time could be paused, so that I could get some more sleep..
- After a terrible mistake/ embarrassment..what if…
“Admit it, you don’t believe in one reality anymore. So choose.” – Inception
I watched the movie again a few days ago, this line annoyed me so much when I heard it. This has continued to linger inside me since then. The idea came from the seemingly resolute rationality of the character, but in reality, he’s no more than a coward who tried to escape from reality.. a fraud to himself. It’s stuck with me, I guess because I could relate to it.. A single idea from the human mind can build cities. An idea can transform the world and rewrite all the rules. Maybe we are living in a dream, when we woke, the world we’re living in and the people we’ve met, were all just in a dream. Or maybe there are multiple dimensions outside, and this is just one of them. This thought rooted in my mind for a couple of years. The emergence of this concept came with unsatisfactory in mind, somehow, imagination is the only way to escape from the chaos we are in, at least for a while. I could find answers from confusions, explore infinite possibilities, and even acquire anything I want. Is it faith to be living in this life? Maybe.
In the past few years, I thought that the pursuit of happiness is better than actually reaching it. While in pursuit, happiness is just an idea, it’s vague, but enchanting. But once it is attained, it can be questioned, it can be lost… I continue to dimension hop. Getting snippets of glimpses, removing some variables, concluding on the others.
But this mindset actually transformed into a new one as my life changes.
I feel like I need no longer to (or have to) believe in another dimension where things could be “better”.. no, not better.. “different”. It isn’t necessary anymore because I am in the best case scenario. My family, friends and people I met made me believe that I am living in the life I yearned for. The greed of desiring more causes myself to fantasize endlessly even I am already in the best one. And so the idea became, while I enjoy fantasizing in multiple dimensions, I’m happy I’m not in any other one.. infact when we hypothesize there are infinite possibilities, how do we even know which is the right one to live in? Perhaps I will always wonder, but I must suppress it.
And now I’ve arrived at a new plot of thought, where I don’t selfishly jump onto another timeline, or continue to chase after happiness. Why? It doesn’t matter which dimension you are in. What matters most is you make the best out of it. Happiness isn’t just an idea. It does exist. It has always been there no matter where you go. We just don’t see it. To the night that I couldn’t give an answer or solution to the frustration a friend of mine had, life is too short to focus on things that weaken you. Maybe we shall learn to appreciate little things you have instead of expectations/ desires you are chasing after. There’s no “y” in happiness, there’s just an “i”.
Maybe this journey, this dimension itself is the “one”.